If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device Wiki
If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device Wiki
Tag: Visual edit
Tag: Visual edit
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# ''"There is no such sauce product..."''<ref name="Ep21" />
# ''"There is no such sauce product..."''<ref name="Ep21" />
# ''I am fortifying this position''
# ''The best defense...is defense''

Revision as of 19:46, 28 August 2019

"Father, are you familiar with the expression 'you are what you eat'? Seeing as you are behaving like an ever-growing pile of screaming psychic children."[1]

Rogal Dorn, also known as Lord Adorable,[2] Dadorable, and Adornable[3], is the Primarch of the Imperial Fists, and seventh son of the Emperor. He is a major character in If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device.

Official Canon

Like the rest of his brothers, Rogal Dorn was cast adrift across the galaxy shortly after he was born. Unlike his brothers, though, he sought out the Emperor first during the Great Crusade, and was reunited with his legion, the Imperial Fists. Dorn quickly gained a reputation for stubbornness and resiliency, specializing in siege warfare and building impregnable fortifications. Impressed, the Emperor named Dorn the Praetorian of Terra, and had him construct the Imperial Palace. Dorn's brother Perturabo, himself an expert on siege warfare, was intensely jealous, especially after Dorn flatly claimed that he could build a fortress even Perturabo couldn't break into.

Dorn firmly believed in the Great Crusade and looked to his father for guidance. While a very capable military leader, his stubborness and blunt honesty often got him into trouble with his other brothers. In particular he was nearly killed by Konrad Curze for letting slip a secret that Kurze had told Fulgrim in private.

Horus Heresy

During the Horus Heresy, the defense of Terra fell to Dorn and his Imperial Fists; they faced the majority of the Traitor Legions, with only the Blood Angels and White Scars to support them. Though they repelled the invaders, Dorn and Jaghatai Khan couldn't save their brother Sanguinius, nor prevent the Emperor from being mortally wounded in his duel with Horus. Dorn fell into despair, believing that he had failed his father.

The Scouring

Furious at his failures, Rogal Dorn set the purge the Imperium of all traces of the traitor legions. However, Roboute Guilliman published the Codex Astartes, demanding that all remaining loyalist forces to split up their legions so as to prevent another Horus Heresy from happening again. Dorn at first refused, but the threat of another civil war and several hours spent meditating while wearing a pain glove caused him to reevaluate his position. While he accepted the Codex Astartes, the Imperial Fists did not.

Perturabo reappeared to get his revenge on Dorn, and claimed that he had built a fortress that Dorn couldn't destroy. With the full might of the Imperial Fists, Dorn swore that he'd bring back the traitor primarch in an iron cage. The battle proved to be a trap, however, and countless Fists died in myriad ways, with the Ultramarines coming to their rescue. When the battle was over, the remaining Imperial Fists accepted the splitting of the legions. However, Dorn reminded them that they were still his sons, and that should the need arise, the successor chapters would meet again as a legion to protect Terra.

Rogal Dorn's final recorded appearance was during the first Black Crusade. He personally boarded one of the enemy's ships, but was never seen again. Only his hand remained, leading the Imperial Fists to assume him dead.

TTS Canon

When escorting the Emperor into the Golden Throne, Dorn's iron halo accidentally poked out one of the Emperor's eyes. It is for that reason that the emperor has an auspex in one of his eyes.[4]

While most of the Imperium believed Rogal to be dead, he revealed himself as none other than the Emperor's personal Centurion. While in his disguise as a Centurion, the Emperor found him to be adorable and employed him as his "Centuri-bear,"[5] where he would comfort his father in times of distress and cuddle with him nightly. Dorn broke his vow of silence and revealed his existence to prevent Magnus the Red from going crazy upon hearing about the Space Wolves. Rogal Dorn stated that he survived the first Black Crusade, and that the hand he left behind fell off after using his "magic pain glove" too many times. As to why he didn't reveal himself sooner, he claimed that he took his vow of silence to atone for his past mistakes, which both the Emperor and Kitten thought to be a stupid oversight on his part.[6]

As per Imperial Fist tradition, Rogal Dorn has a wall-name, which is 'Adorable.' The Emperor refuses to use this name, even if he may have been the inspiration for it.[2] Some of the Emperor's names for Rogal Dorn include "Honey-Mustard Mustached Homonculus,"[7] "Lemon-stained hunk of ceramite,"[2] and "Rogaly-Don-Don."[1]


Rogal Dorn is apparently so literal-minded that he has trouble identifying sarcasm or interpreting idioms. The reason for this may have something to do with using a chainsword to scratch his head.[1] However, he is also surprisingly lucid, as he instinctively understands the myriad problems plaguing the Imperium and the galaxy at large, particularly the end-times.[8] Another interpretation is that Rogal Dorn has super-sanity; he understands sarcasm just fine, he just finds particular phrases and customs nonsensical. He's also capable of feeling emotions, despite what his constant monotone and stoic facade may suggest. And despite his loyalty to his father, he is still capable of getting into heated arguments with him, from asinine issues such as Taco Tuesday[2] to serious ones such as his father's inability to admit fault.[3]

Compared to his own father, Rogal Dorn is very nurturing but also stern when he needs to be, as demonstrated by his mentorship of the Voxcast serf Boy. Dorn is fiercely protective of Boy whenever Karstodes bullies him, and always encourages his dreams of becoming a space marine. His relationship with the Black Templars however is quite strained, as he views them all as equally immature as their founder Sigismund, even calling Helbrecht by that name by accident when admonishing him.[3]

Rogal Dorn was aware of how is father manipulates his sons to get them to do what he wants, and made up for the Emperor's lack of honesty by telling Magnus what he knew. Dorn seemed completely unfazed by this fact. He is however capable of using metaphors, as when he compared his father's actions to a game of regicide.[9]


  1. "Father. Your sweetheart was I, Rogal Dorn."[10]
  2. "I hope our nightly cuddling sessions aren't rescheduled because of this."[6]
  3. "I am fortifying this position."[8]
  4. "Fecal matter does not have mental capacity. You don't need to fortify against it."[8]
  5. "I suspect he was high on narcotics."[8]
  6. "I am the best treehouse architect in the galaxy. I accept the challenge."[8]
  7. "Magic Pain Glove, I am lost on this heretical ship. Tell me what I must do." *Hand falls off* "Your services are no longer required."[6]
  8. "He is breaking perfectly formed wooden furniture for no other reason than forcing a cheap slapstick joke. THAT is something that I CAN NOT forgive."[11]
  9. "According to approximately 511 passages in the Book of Judgement, refraining from defining words to Imperials of high political stature is punishable by a 5-day death sentence in a phospex bath. As well as a summary kick to the jaw."[12]
  10. "There is no such sauce product..."[6]
  12. I am fortifying this position
  13. The best defense...is defense



Throne Room Cast
The Emperor - Little Kitten - Magnus the Red
Rogal Dorn - The Fabulous Custodes - Boy
The Primarchs
Loyalists: Corvus Corax - Ferrus Manus - Jaghatai Khan - Leman Russ
Lion El'Jonson - Roboute Guilliman - Rogal Dorn - Sanguinius - Vulkan
Traitors: Alpharius Omegon - Angron - Fulgrim - Horus
Konrad Curze - Lorgar - Magnus the Red - Mortarion - Perturabo